Loses or Lessons

We all have had some loses in our lives, from our first pet, to death and divorce.  And we all respond very differently to each situation. Sometimes we are very mournful and distraught, while other times we are able to let go without fear and discomfort.

I”ll never forget the joy I receive from my dog, Hector.  He was a standard poodle-airedale mix, that was usually shaggy most of the year, except for his annual spring trim, in which he would promptly get out of the car and run under the deck to hide in embarrassment. I think he felt naked. We would take bike rides, or I should say I biked and Hector ran, for miles.  I never thought anything of it.  He was always there for me.  He was such a sweet companion.  It was a very sad when he died.

I realized that we always have a choice of how we will feel in each moment.  We get to decide how we will feel when an animal dies, a  person walks out of our life, or when a person dies.

I use to get very upset, cry and feel depressed for a very long time when someone close to me passed, but I’ve grown to a different understanding, a new perspective.

You’ve heard the expression,”Don’t cry over spilt milk.” I’m not suggesting that you don’t process what you feel, I’m suggesting that you look at it from a learning and growing awareness.

The best example I can give is when my husband left.  He was my best friend.  The sun rose and set over him.  I loved him completely and gave 100% to the marriage, and he left anyway.

My world was crushed. I cried, hibernated, morned and stayed depressed for a very long time.  No matter what I did; went out with friends, went dancing, joined exercise groups, it all felt like there was a cloud hovering over-head. The life of marriage, and togetherness was gone.  The wind was taken out of my sails, and I was very unhappy.

Today, I’ve realized that all experiences are lessons. I still feel my feelings, but I don’t get stuck there.  I give myself time to go through whatever I need to do, spend time talking to a friend, writing, meditating, or going for a walk. I realized that we are all on our own path and I’m choosing to be happy today.

I was living in the past and staying stuck there.  I was brought up believing that a man would always take care and love me, so when it didn’t happen I felt stuck and disappointed.  This caused me much grief and loneliness.

We are not responsible for another persons action. No one can make us happy or sad, it’s a choice. I had to take a deep look at myself, and my beliefs, and see the perspective I was holding were not true. He walked out.  I had a belief around that. At the end of the day, I create my own happiness.  Whatever else shows up in life is a bonus.

It always comes down to taking care of ourselves first. Making a conscious choice about how to create our own happiness.

How are you reacting to situations that don’t feel good?

Can you make a different decision and create the possibility of happiness?

How are you going to do that?

I would love to hear how you are handling difficult situations.

Hugs,

Kim